8.5.18

attempting to recollect the multitude of shelving
that came between us
floored fluorescent faces by ages designed to be ageless and instead we are counting our selves backwards like the look you've given me every time we find a way yet never partake

love carried - of reason
pesky knots of denial
desire gracefully misplaced

I would love to give you understanding
Insight
In-site
In-this-sight
In-his-eyes
In memories - we choose to not see
In stories we can not read

our love has been like a crater of clouds
i can not get my stance on
intangible one

they say God speaks to us through the trees
and yet all I hear is a voice beckoning me beyond birthing my body the sea
as I may never hear you speak
it is not God I want but
You
then again maybe you are the face of this so-called Godliness
hidden in the attributes of every day neglected lives
left home without their ties instead lit - fire
without a shadow to oversee the every making move of what I so wish
fingertips - smoky one
I know yours are lifted paper-thin
coddling this idea of secrecy
each moment writing out the stories we refuse to say out loud
so that the other may hear our vulnerabilities our weakness this so called veil i have to always keep hidden named by the truth named by the song of your story named by mystification an indistinct knowing that this is disguise at its finest -

-

what a story
it has been 
between you and i 
a tale of sculptures - overcast
carved out of masonry 
from another course of action 

they say love is life 
and yet my heart should not feel this way
how can love be incomplete
when a force is all it has taken
and you have never handed 
an ounce of assumption
rather than this disbelief
i could have taken a moment to honor myself 
and yet i took the chance instead
you have said too many times 
nevermind the heart shhh quiet your mind
you have known this loss before
and abandonment being the name of your game
what placed you here 
but the beginning of your power
undertaking a decision to rise
rather than rest
have you - sweet one
decided yet?
it is not i you are seeking 
it is the source of wisdom whereas we lie
it is when you place your hands down 
that you feel her mountains rise
when you stand on two feet
i buckle only to complete
a once despondent story 
now held high 
in a glorified tone of speech

it is not i you are seeking
it is the sun in your eyes
it is the heart that will find
we continue to carry 
each others step
as if nothing could ever come of us - 
in fury 
sweetness

HS